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- Strip Monopoly game ended just like any given game of Monopoly: in an ugly fight [Obvious]
- U.S. Air Force considering new trainer jets with colorful streamers, an improved handlebar, a stronger kickstand, and totally radical decals [Obvious]
- Police confiscate sports car, proceed to wreck it joyriding [Dumbass]
- Indian filmmaker jailed in Houston, considers organizing a massive dance number in order to break out [Interesting]
- Not news: Woman finds long-estranged father. News: He checks in as a patient at the very hospital she is a nurse at. Fark: He's a terminally ill cancer patient [Sappy]
- Orange County flasher on the loose. With pic of what an awesome flasher looks like [Sick]
- Man gathering sweet corn in Michigan confronts alligator. No, this headline did not come from a mad-libs book [Weird]
- The red-hooded puppy pitcher has been busted [Followup]
- Your mom has some love sent her way in this week's Mugshot Roundup [Cool]
- What can Brown do for you? They can crash a cargo plane in Dubai, for starters [Scary]